Archive | November, 2012

Pain can be deep, letting go sets you free.

21 Nov

There is pain everywhere in this world…

And I get it, I totally do… It’s such a vital part of all our stories, without pain, loneliness, jealousy, anger, hurt.. Whatever you want to call it our lives would be dull, meaningless and wouldn’t highlight all the joyful moments that life can bring.

Today I had a moment, an epiphany if you will of a hurt that has troubled me literally every day for the past year. I can’t talk about specifics but these series of hurts came from giving my heart, my time and talents and my name to a cause I truly believed in (And still do). I gave more than I ever thought I could, being placed on center stage in front of literally thousands then bam… nothing, it ended… not to be mentioned again like it never happened.

I still struggle to articulate how I feel, what I felt during that time. Some days after have been great, others are grey, dark and gloomy. It was like a break up gone bad, REAL BAD.. There have been all the emotions… The jealousy, anger, rage… The blame, the angst, the wondering of “what if’s”…

My epiphany came today… It was unexpected, and out of the blue… I thought I’d dealt with my hurts & pains when it came to this issue, I quickly realized what I had really done was instead of letting go of it I’d just clenched my fists even tighter, so much so that I couldn’t see/feel the pain most days, yet it was still very much part of me.

I realized clenching to our past instantly keeps us out of contention from seizing opportunities in the future, the more hurt we hold in, the less love we have the ability to receive.. On the flip side the more we let go, the more we can be engrained in love, hope and joy.

Hurts from your past can run deep, especially when those hurts have a vital part in your story. I (We) have to remember that pain, hurt, shame, anger and jealousy are completely dependent on how we react to them. 

We are responsible for our actions… That includes our response when hurt is deep. It’s taken me years to realize that we choose love, we choose joy… It’s all an action.

Ultimately, we can respond to those that hurt us two ways… Either though anger or through love… Today I choose love, because love is a verb… Love does.